‘Out of nowhere, I get a DM from a girl saying she’s dating Jake, I didn’t respond’: 26-year-old wonders if she should have warned her 28-year-old ex Jake’s new girlfriend about his toxic behavior after seeing history repeat itself

Author image for Etai Eshet
Etai Eshet • Editor
Oct 13, 2025 4:00 PM EDT

Every ex who once played the main villain eventually tries to star in someone else's sequel, and it rarely ends well. The guy in question comes pre-packaged with charm, a smile that looks good in photos, and the self-awareness of a plastic spoon. At first, he's the boyfriend version of a well-written apology, but before long, the mask slips and every conversation turns into a court hearing about tone, timing, or perceived betrayal. When the signs start flashing red, getting out becomes a liberation movement, not a breakup.

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  • AITA for not warning my ex’s new girlfriend about how toxic he is?

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  • People love to say karma isn’t real, but sometimes it just needs a few months to finish the paperwork. Patterns repeat, the new partner finds out the hard way, and the whole circus starts again without any need for your intervention. Feeling responsible for saving the next person sounds noble, but most of the time it keeps you stuck in the same mess you escaped. The truth is, everyone gets their turn at realizing the charming guy is only charming until reality kicks in. It’s not cruelty, it’s just the natural life cycle of a self-centered man who mistakes control for affection. 

  • So... I (26F) dated my ex "Jake" (28M) for almost two years, and it was honestly the most emotionally exhausting time of my life.
    via Fun_Cauliflower6858
  • At first, he was super charming the kind - of guy who remembered your coffee order, sent good-morning texts, and made you feel like you were the only person in the world.
    via Fun_Cauliflower6858
  • But once I was hooked, he started showing his real self. He'd get mad if I didn't reply right away, accuse me of flirting with coworkers, and "jokingly" insult my appearance.
    via Fun_Cauliflower6858
  • Every time I tried to talk about how it made me feel, he'd flip it around and say I was being dramatic or too sensitive.
    via Fun_Cauliflower6858
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  • Classic gaslighting. Eventually, I found out he was - cheating and not even subtle about it.
    via Fun_Cauliflower6858
  • He left his phone open once and there were literal screenshots of him messaging other girls saying I was "crazy" and "too much work." I confronted him, he denied it, then admitted it but somehow made it my fault because I "wasn't affectionate enough." I left him the same night.
    via Fun_Cauliflower6858
  • Fast forward about six months later — I'm finally in therapy, getting my confidence back, and living peacefully.
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  • Then, out of nowhere, I get a DM from a girl saying she's dating Jake now and asking if I had any advice about "dealing with his moods." I didn't respond.
    via Fun_Cauliflower6858
  • I just blocked her. Now, here's the karma part: about a month later, mutual friends told me he lost his job after blowing up on his manager for "disrespecting him." Apparently, he also got dumped the same girl messaged one of my friends saying he tried the same manipulation tactics on her and she found out he was talking to multiple girls again.
    via Fun_Cauliflower6858
  • Cheezburger Image 10563383552
    via Chris6

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Now he's back to posting sad-boy stories about "fake women" and "loyalty being dead." My friends say I should've warned the new girlfriend, but honestly, I didn't owe her emotional labor or another round of dealing with his drama.
    via Fun_Cauliflower6858

  • Walking away from that kind of person isn’t cold-hearted, it’s maintenance. You don’t owe anyone a briefing about how awful someone else can be. Eventually, people like him write their own warning labels loud enough for everyone to read. Sometimes the best kind of revenge is silence, backed up by karma doing overtime.

  • Karma did the job for me. So Reddit - AITA for not warning her and just letting karma handle it?
    via Fun_Cauliflower6858
  • VelvetSin22 Nah, NTA, mate. Not yr job to fix his mess or warn every gal comes after u. Ppl gotta learn the hard way sometimes. You've been thru enough with that dude. Don't need that neg energy in your life. But hey, glad u blocked 'n moved on, takes guts. Keep doing you, Karma always comes queen! through! 700
    via Fun_Cauliflower6858
  • Foreign-Cow-1189 You will come across as the crazy ex. Just stay out of it.
    via Foreign-Cow-1189
  • SmartSinner NTA. You're not his emotional damage control hotline. If she really wanted advice, she should've asked how you're doing, not how to "deal with his moods." You did the right thing protecting your peace
    via SmartSinner
  • Crispy CrunchBabe NTA mate. It's not your job to babysit your ex's relationships. He should've learned from his mistakes w/ u but clearly didn't. Better to leave toxicity behind and focus on ur own healing. Good on ya for getting out & laying low, sis. IMHO life is too short for that kinda drama. Cheers to a more peaceful journey!
    via CrispyCrunchBabe
  • Ladygytha She reached out to you, so it's less likely that you would be painted as 'the crazy ex" in her mind (you always will be in his mind). At best, you could have said "Sorry, I'm not about to be pulled into this drama. He's my ex and I have no need nor desire to deal with him ever again, so do with that what you will."
    via Ladygytha
  • DD-de-AA Nope. NTA, if you had warned her and Jake found out about it, he would've said it was your fault that she dumped him. Let him sink his own ship, it doesn't sound like he needs any help.
    via DD-de-AA
  • VelvetVixen142 That's not ur place AT ALL. Plus, tbh, who's to say she'd even believe ya? Gotta let ppl make their own mistakes, ya know? Weird as it sounds, that's just life.
    via VelvetVixen142
  • Giggle-Sprinkles It's not on you to school the new girl. Sure, life's rude for her rn, but she's gotta learn the same way everyone else does.
    via Giggle-Sprinkles
  • Marshmallow Mami You're not responsible for saving someone from the same red flags you had to learn
    via Marshmallow
  • InternationalBad2640 NTA. You very clearly "dealt with his moods" by getting TF out of there. That's it. That was the warning. You don't owe her anything other than that. Not your circus, not your monkeys.
    via InternationalBad2640

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